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I love my friends, I love my family and I love my life here in Arizona...

Posted on 2011.07.26 at 15:44

 but I think I'm going to start saving up money/paying off my debt and go somewhere new.


I need new faces, food, music, architecture, modes of transportation, views, I can feel in my heart deep down into my soul that I was meant to see the world. 

I have to stop being so lazy. I have at least finally come to the realization that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I'm so content with just my friends and my family, that I honestly do have the chance at being someone's girlfriend right now--and I just don't want to be. I'm so happy being on my own and I don't think that I've learned nearly enough to let someone in again. In other words yes, I am afraid of love and letting love in, I am. But truly, I'm happy. I've grown so much in the past 9 months. I went from miserable relationship--that was better to be miserable together than unhappy alone, to unhappy alone, to desperately seeking sou lmate, to reliving ex-boyfriends, to I'm seeing a movie with my girls tonight--can I call you later this week?  I'm proud of myself. I've never been this strong before. Since I was 11 years old, I've had a boyfriend. The longest I spent single was ONE MONTH! One month to wonder Why? Why not me? How could he do this to me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him? What could I have done better? Maybe if we had done this, this wouldn't have.. Only to find someone new to completely infatuate myself with and therefore get over the last guy. I've done this more times than I can count. For once in my life, I can sit and practice the piano for 30 minutes, stare endlessly into a painting, walk aimlessly for hours and not once check my phone to see if "he" text me. He being whoever "he" is at the time. I love it. So to complete this Eat Pray Love tale, I must go somewhere new and meet an even better version of myself (hopefully) someone out of their comfort zone ready to soak up the world. 

I will do this. 


kamill317 at 2011-07-27 03:31 (UTC) ()
im so glad you are doing so well jen. I was so sad to hear that you were so sad. I think traveling would be fun! and a great way to find one's self! just don't go too far because you would be missed too much. :)
g_stefani702 at 2011-08-19 00:13 (UTC) ()
thanks Camille, glad you're doing well too :) i'm excited for mini-camille/patch!!!
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